How Surviving Hard Things Led Me to Life Coaching for Women.

I have taken quite a windy road to get where I am today, and most of the time, I didn't really know what I was doing. I have always felt drawn towards the earth — maybe it's because my bedroom growing up had a view of the Rocky Mountains, and I was lucky enough to explore those mountains throughout my childhood. My passion for the planet only intensified when I moved to Hawai'i for college. The ocean is my happy place, the place where I feel most at peace. When I am beneath the water, I feel a deep sense of awe. Being in the ocean or the mountains connects me to something so much bigger than myself. And tapping into that has always been the way I have centered myself.

But don't let this serene picture fool you. My life has had its fair share of challenges. My parents divorced when I was six, and I moved to a new state shortly after. I never fit in during high school and wasn't well-liked by the "popular" kids — partly my own doing, because I was so dedicated to making sure they knew I didn't think much of them. Of course, that was just my defense mechanism for being stuck on the outside.

I craved external validation. I was deeply insecure, my emotional needs were not always met, and I felt alone. Being told I was beautiful, even by men who I know now were simply predators, made me feel like I had done something right. This insecurity and need for men to validate me meant that I was anxiously attached in all of my relationships — which also meant that I put up with so much shit that I did not deserve. Shit that no one should have to put up with.

One of these experiences included someone r*ping me when I was 19. It changed me forever.

I spent years suppressing the turmoil that comes from an experience like that. I was a hot mess in my personal life, playing out unhealthy patterns and never facing the pain that my body held onto. It took me six years to tell someone. And then I told everyone — I posted about my experience on a previous blog. I was not prepared for the outpouring of support, love, and kindness. And the many, many women who said "me too, and I've never told anyone until now."

Once I acknowledged and started to feel that deep pain — the soul revolt — that I had hidden so well, I knew I needed help. I was 26 when I went to group therapy for survivors of sexual assault. Since then I've had two other therapists. All of that made me stronger, kinder, more compassionate, and more fully myself than I would have been otherwise.

I stared down PTSD, panic attacks, hypervigilance, anxiety. I moved through it, with help. I got curious about myself, my feelings, my experiences. It's my greatest accomplishment — and when I think about what I know I am capable of because of that pain, it fortifies me. Sometimes it scares me too, to know how much pain I can feel. I don't want to go back there. But so much of life is out of our control. We must walk hand in hand with uncertainty into the darkness, shining our own light and trusting that whatever comes our way, we can handle it. We will find resilience and strength within ourselves we never knew we had, because we never needed it before.

These experiences taught me I am capable of so much more than I thought I was.

Oddly enough, all throughout that time, I excelled professionally. I had my North Star — protecting the planet — and I moved towards it relentlessly. A decade after deciding that I wanted my career to be about protecting the planet, I finally became an environmental attorney. I graduated at the top of my law class, won awards, published papers, and pushed my mind farther than it had ever gone before. I am now teaching and mentoring the next generation of environmental attorneys.

As a mentor, I realized how much I can help other women just by helping them see their own potential, and by providing support and a sounding board. Being in that role feels like home, like my highest calling. I wanted to create a space that would let me do that for any woman who is ready to start on that path. And this is where everything I've learned — that I can achieve my dreams, that I can do really hard things — came together. That's why I became a women's life coach.

My goal in life is to leave this place better than I found it. I believe that when women lift the veil and finally see their own potential — when they let themselves dream and move towards those dreams relentlessly, despite all of the setbacks, fears, and failures — that is how we build the world as it should be. Our superpower is our strength, our community, our networks, our willingness to find other women who can show us the way. None of us can do this alone. Life coaching for women exists precisely because that support — having someone in your corner who believes in you before you believe in yourself — changes everything.

That is why I started Her Bold Life Coaching — confidence coaching grounded in real experience, for women who are ready to live bigger, bolder lives. Welcome to your bold life.